Disappearing American Culture: Our Imminent Social Apocalypse

My Mother's Advice, My True North

I dedicate this to my amazing mother, my idol, my best friend, who has just this past couple of weeks been diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer, and still manages to make me feel like I am just making a fuss...

I actually wrote this little article a long time ago, and I came across it and it was particularly heartfelt for me now as I enter a new phase in both of our lives that I knew would someday come, but never thought it would be so soon.

We all have a handful of true-isms that we live by. 

Many of these things that are “law” in our lives can be traced directly back to our mothers.  This category is for honoring our mothers and their wisdom.  There are those things that we discard of course, in the interest of our own individuality, or simply a difference of opinion. 

I know that whenever my children do something or say something that is directly taken from advice or lessons they got from me, it is the most rewarding, heartwarming emotion I can imagine.  I remember my daughter being asked where she learned to cook so well, and she stated without hesitation, “My mother taught me, she is a great cook.”  It was the nicest compliment a mother could ever receive.  It's even better to hear your child giving YOUR advice to someone as gospel.  It is at that moment that you know that you have gotten through to them in a meaningful way.

This is a mother's love coming full circle.  Proof positive that the values she holds in her heart, important lessons and hopes and dreams have been transferred to her most precious possession: her children.

Our teachings to our children ARE our legacy.  For better or worse, they learn by example.  Emulating you is the highest regard they can offer, and when it happens, it melts your heart and reveals all of the answers to all of the questions in life.

What has your mother instilled in you that causes you to be grateful and appreciative of her wisdom?  You don't have to do anything about it, because if she is like my mother, that doesn't really matter.  What she wants is for you to be happy, and content and not in stress and pain.  That's what a mother wants, and that's what I want for my mother.  I pray that God shows me the way to provide it, because I am thinking it's going to be very hard.  The hardest thing will be to make her happy by not letting her see the unspeakable agony I am feeling at the thought of losing my mother.  She would assuredly blame herself for getting sick and upsetting me~and around and around we would go in this psychotic pattern of blaming ourselves.

So for now, I will just breathe in and breathe out and put my trust in more capable hands that I can be the daughter I want to be, and wish I was, so that she will know that she is the amazing mother that she is and didn't get told enough.

The Good News About America's Economic Meltdown: Families Are Exemplified

There isn't a whole lot of good news these days about the economy.  Every few days some economist or other throws a whiff of hope out there that "the recession is ending" as more news of lay-off's, corporate failure and fiduciary corruption surges on, taking the little glimpses of hope with it.  Catastrophic news has become so common every day, that it's starting to all run together into a monotonous tone of misery droning on in our souls.  American people are beginning to suffer from something that we usually only see in war veterans: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... Or at least they will when this country begins to function again.

Currently, MOST people in this country are directly affected by the loss of income of a major wage-earner.  Either in their own family, or in that of a loved one, joblessness has touched them with it's icy hand, and completely rearranged their priorities and the focus of their concerns in life.  Literally, the American Livingroom has had the carpet pulled out from under it.  Most people are either suffering financially, struggling to keep their homes and put food on the table, or worrying deeply about a loved one who is.

Many families are finding their lifestyles greatly altered.  The devastation of being "let go" from a job is both a physical hardship, and for most, a deeply emotional, hurtful experience.  Often, the person who lost their employment, especially if they were the primary wage-earner in a family, goes through a period of actual mourning because, in reality, their entire self-worth and contribution has been blown up.  They feel lost, devalued, confused and afraid, and it's a devastating experience.  Add to that, they usually have to sustain relationships with friends and colleagues who have not <yet> lost their job, and it can be agonizing to listen to them talk about career-oriented topics, that no longer are relevant.  Much like a recovering alcoholic going to his pub to commune with his drinking buddies while sipping on an iced tea.  It's bitter, very bitter.

I remember listening to one person arrogantly speaking about the unemployment rates, and saying to me, "Well, the good ones always find a way to stay employed.  It's been good to purge out some of the dead wood."  While it's true, that companies are now in a position where they have to re-invent themselves, and re-establish market share, including perhaps a complete overhaul of the staff directory, it's pretty hard to listen to a comment like that if you are someone who was affected by a company closing it's doors and you came home with your office in a cardboard box.  His comment reflects exactly the attitude that causes immense hurt to those who truly had no warning or defense against the sudden disappearance of their livelihood, self-doubt, shame and worthlessness.

Well, I have good news, GREAT news in fact, and it's not immediately apparent to everyone.  What has been happening over and over again in families is a circling of the wagons, they are coming together as only a family can and huddling together to nurture, to heal, to comfort, and to survive.  Families are caring for each other as only families can... with love, with care and with genuine concern and intent to give help.

The unexpected phenomenon of this landslide of galvanization toward survival and recovery, like 9/11, has produced a very positive outcome: Families are being reaffirmed.  They are being brought to light about how much they rely one, care about and support each other.  Quite literally, they are being reminded, or even realizing for the very first time, what matters most.  Just like a drug addict who often cannot be saved until they have a terrible accident or event to shake them so badly that they see truth, families are seeing each other for the first time.  It's a wonderful by-product of the implosion of the economy.

People are eating at home together to save money, and recreating together in more resourceful ways like movie nights at home, and going camping... and guess what?  It's fun.  They are enjoying each other.  They are laughing together more than when they did when things "were normal".  They have a new sense of loyalty and respect for each other as they work through the stresses that they have been handed.  They problem solve together and focus on things like, "What is the most important thing that we need to protect?"  Finally, they are agreeing on something: "We need to preserve our family and our home.  That's the most important thing."

So as you brace yourself for each new day, as most of us are, it might help you to know that sometimes from disaster, springs new life, and new hope.  Like after a forest fire, which takes everything, it also takes the BAD things.  It's a clean slate, it's a new start and life always springs forward from the ashes.  As we head toward recovery, protect your new life that you glimpsed in the misery.  Focus on preserving those things that you may have discovered mattered most to you.  Have dinner with your kids, adore your spouse, go camping, watch a movie at home...  These are the things that matter most, and they are the things that cannot be taken away by your employer, or your mortgage holder.  

Save America, Hug A Homemaker!

Stability, trust, tradition, dependability.

Sounds like a new car commercial, doesn't it? These are words that describe what a traditional family unit offers a child as they are nurtured into productive, functional adults. They are also words that used to describe being an American. Growing up to be an American with these attributes is not something that happens when you graduate from high school. You are surrounded and supported by examples of this all of your young life. Then, as you reach adult hood, these values are your core. They are ingrained into you. It's no different than terrible qualities such as racism, hatred or domestic violence. These are LEARNED traits.

Children learn behavior and emotional response from their families.

We know that male children that are raised in a family where there is an abusive husband have a very high risk of becoming an abusive husband themselves as an adult. Why? Because all creatures on this planet (and humans are no exception) learn by example. Young animals study their parents avidly absorbing every action, every reaction, and every thing they think and do and by nature's decree, strive to emulate that exact trait. How many times have we enjoyed watching a youngster try and wield a hammer like daddy, or perform tasks in the kitchen like mommy. Often we overhear conversations with other children or dolls or playmates that we know we have heard ourselves say to our children, only to hear them repeat it. Little girls croon to their baby dolls, soothing them and rocking them to sleep. It's not just play; it's the natural way that they learn. Parenting is LEARNED behavior. Not instinct. Giving birth is instinct. Kissing boo-boos is not.

When we sent our women off to work, we left our young with "baby sitters".

In the early years of this new role that women were in, the sitters were family, or a neighbor girl who were very much able to maintain a nurturing atmosphere when Mom was away. As generations passed, though, the caregiver role began to erode into a minimum wage-earning person whose full time job was caring for multiple children from different families who had very different backgrounds. Their care became amalgamated into simply meeting their physical needs of nourishment and cleanliness, and not so much their emotional requirements. The decline of core American values began at that point. An alarming number of American children are being raised to emulate over-worked, under-paid day-care workers. They then are retrieved every night by tired, harassed, hurried mothers and fathers who take them home to a vacant home and push pre-prepared food in front of them for dinner most nights. We cannot ignore the effects. From where are they learning tolerance, patience or even affection? These emotions rarely surface in an environment of stress.

It is past time for American families to understand that raising children in a household with both parents working full time comes at great cost to the children of that family.

Those children have now grown up to have their own children and have little or no child-rearing skills because they haven't learned any from their own parents. They can't understand why their child has so many issues at school, or can't seem to get along with other children.

No other animal on this planet gives birth to its young and then hands over their young to be raised by someone else they don't even know.

Americans do it every day. Our daily news gives us proof that there are serious issues in our nation’s child-care facilities, yet we willingly keep surrendering our children to them. The value of sitting patiently and listening to your child tell you about something important to them, or laughing at their jokes or playing little games is highly undervalued. It develops their minds and helps evolve their thinking into that of an adult who can pass these traits on to their own children.

Let's take a look at some of the things that have left the average American family completely, and let's talk about how to bring them back.

We will explore basic family skills and things that will turn America back into what it started out as: A solid, productive, trustworthy nation of people who can be relied upon.   ~tb

The American "Housewife" And Her Impending Extinction

Social Apocalypse is not a rant about a woman's right to a career.  I am not addressing "guilt" issues because a woman chooses to work or is obligated to work outside of the home.  In fact, it's not about women AT ALL.

When I use the term "housewife" or "homemaker" I am using it metaphorically to represent a family member of either sex who plays that role in a family.  There is great fear that one day very soon, people will not know the definition of "homemaker", and certainly will not credit them with the vital role that they serve in our culture.  They are, in fact, the primary carriers of the torch of our family and social values and our core culture.  When traditions, beliefs, prejudice, faith and basic life skills are "passed from generation to generation" it is not generally done by strangers in society, but at the hem (either pants or skirt) of a caring family member or close friend who endows it to a young person with the care and intent that only a person within an "inner social circle" would do.

Let's begin by looking at the major causes of distress, tragedy, weakness and crime in this country, we can trace ALL of them back to a single cause: 

American children are becoming society's orphans more and more as our hungry capitalist machine devours their parents and family who are swimming in a sea of responsibility, ill-equipped to handle the immense stress of just surviving in today's American economy without working most waking hours of their lives.

It's as though the average American Family is being devoured by an insatiable capitalist beast that drives them to make more money, to pay for more debt, to maintain a lifestyle that doesn't get any better.  Not only has it become mandatory for BOTH parents to work at paying jobs just to be able to afford a very average lifestyle, it's becoming NOT ENOUGH!

Our Most Alarming National Tragedy: Our Children Are Being Raised By Strangers

An overwhelming number of American children are raised, nurtured and cared for <or NOT> during their most formative years by people outside of their family.

This is a very controversial and sometimes hostile topic among American parents.  Let me first clarify that as I write this, I am MYSELF a professional woman, and do work full time and spend much time away from my family most days of the week in recent years.  I will quantify that by saying that I did NOT work away from my children when they were very young and in their most formative years.  I did not place them in the care of a paid daycare worker with whom I was not personally connected.  I also chose to allow myself to be away more when they were much older with a FULL UNDERSTANDING of the impact of my decision.  In this way, I feel confident that for my family, we are compensating and living within a good balance of what we need and want against the potential intellectual and emotional cost to our family, and there are very significant sacrifices which I will outline in detail.